Are you scared yet?

Well you oughta be!

Why?

Because a former U.N. official says the next IPCC climate report will “scare the wits out of everyone”.

It is worse than we thought.

I am trembling in my boots.

The IPCC will finally have proof that CO2 is the devil?

I am terrified of an invisible trace gas essential to life on Earth.

And we are going to have more bad weather in the future.

The ice caps are melting, the seas are rising and the sky is falling.

And it is all our fault.

Forgive me IPCC for I have sinned.

There is no time to lose.

And they are going to drop it on us in late 2013 and early 2014.

Repent now while there is still time.

Promise to only take every other breath.

And guess what?

They will need draconian new powers to fight this evil enemy of all humankind.

You will be asked to kneel at the throne of the IPCC and to sacrifice your freedom for the good of the human race.

And say the prayer:

IPCC forgive me for breathing and driving my SUV and turning on the A/C and reading by incandescent bulb. Have mercy.
For thine is the kingdom, And the Power And the Glory, Forever and Ever, Amen!
 
And sing the IPCC anthem.

O when the Saints come marchin in
O when the Saints come marchin in
Lord, deny CO2 to that cucumber
When the Saints come marchin in

And when the sun refuse to shine
And when the sun refuse to shine
You will freeze your butt in the summer
When the sun refuse to shine

When CO2 is in the air
When CO2 is in the air
You will bake your butt in the winter
When CO2 is in the air

Some say this world of trouble,
Is the only one we need,
But I'm waiting for that morning,
When the new world is revealed.

Now sing or else.

Wow, I am scared.

Finally! Thought I was going to have to make you read 1984 or The Road to Serfdom.

Brain: Pinky, are you thinkin what I’m thinkin?
Pinky: I think so, Brain. But if we melt the ice caps and flood the world who will bring us our cheese?

Brain: Pinky, are you thinkin what I’m thinkin?
Pinky: I think so, Brain. But is it smart to use food to fuel our cars?

Brain: Pinky, are you thinkin what I’m thinkin?
Pinky: I think so, Brain. But if we sequester CO2 won’t we eventually asphyxiate ourselves?

Brain: Pinky, are you thinkin what I’m thinkin?
Pinky: I think so, Brain. But if we bury CO2 how will our garden grow?
Brain: with silver bells and cockle shells and no damn flora!

Pinky: What are we going to do tonight, Brain?
Brain: same thing we do every night, Pinky, try to take over the world.

And now they know how to do it.

Fear.
            and
Guilt.

Make grown men wilt.

Repeat after me: I am a Climate Criminal.

AGAIN: I am a Climate Criminal.

Say it like you mean it: I AM a Climate Criminal

Bet your bippy you are! Guilty as charged!

Next case!

Postscript: after gaining control over the world’s resources and population and presiding over the demise of western civilization nothing more is heard of climate change. The weather behaves as it always has. Mission accomplished.